Truly terrible tables

szycag · Aug 27, 2012

I was wishing IPDB had a list of stinkers like IMDB has. Can anyone show me some tables that were absolute failures across the board?

EDIT: Thought I would add a list of the games people brought up and what I could find that made them obnoxious

Orbitor 1 (non-flat playfield with ball control nearly impossible)
Popeye (mechanical problems, gameplay too straightforward/boring)
Rolling Stones (Cheap look, goofy Mick Jagger target)
Totem (Bad sound)
Hercules (It's an enormous table with a cue ball for the ball, way too prone to drains and slow gameplay)
Jive Time (dated gameplay and board design even for it's time)
Spy Hunter (Offset layout that makes the playfield not fun, drains suck)
Bugs Bunny's Birthday Ball (guessing the weird layout)
South Park (...)
Austin Powers (didn't reach a consensus on either of these)
Qbert's Quest (unorthdox flipper placement)
Harlem Globetrotters (flipper placement that doesn't allow for holding the ball)
Sinbad (same as above)
Sky Kings (might have just been a not well maintained table; center drains unavoidable from saucer target drop)

goforthewall · Aug 27, 2012

Any Zen Pinball table!

Joking ;-)

But honestly, I don't think there's any real total failures in the pinball world...

mmmagnetic · Aug 27, 2012

Orbitor 1 is pretty... weird. (I just love posting that video again and again!)

Though it certainly was brave enough to try something completely different, so it´s more of an odd machine than a truly bad one.

Just as with videogames, I assume there´s a big difference between "so bad that it´s good" (see: Kusoge), and just absolutely boring, dull machines,
which are probably not even worth talking about.

Sean DonCarlos · Aug 27, 2012

Popeye and Rolling Stones both have considerable negative reputations.

BonzoGonzo · Aug 27, 2012

i actually quite enojed popay lol

Bowflex · Aug 28, 2012

I second Rolling Stones table. Absolutely wretched.

Richard B · Aug 28, 2012

Serenseven said:
Popeye and Rolling Stones both have considerable negative reputations.

Both tables have notoriously cheap drains. RS in particular has a lane that "grabs" and holds your ball, much like the genie does in TOTAN, but RS uses a diverter gate rather than a magnet. When it releases, there's a good chance it's going SDTM.

Rudy Yagov · Aug 28, 2012

Serenseven said:
Popeye and Rolling Stones both have considerable negative reputations.

Popeye has a 7.0 on ipdb. That's not bad at all. Not spectacular, but certainly not negative.

Sean DonCarlos · Aug 28, 2012

Rudy Yagov said:
Popeye has a 7.0 on ipdb. That's not bad at all. Not spectacular, but certainly not negative.

See evidence of my assertions here: http://pinball.org/rules/popeye.html. No other rulesheet in the Pinball Archive's collection that I have read directs such venom at its subject matter.

Also, if you read Bowen Kerin's Theatre of Magic rulesheet, in the description of the Tiger Saw illusion DMD effect where the tiger is sawing a pinball machine in half, he adds the side comment "Presumably it is a Popeye."

Popeye was plagued by very one-dimensional gameplay and beset by a horde of mechanical issues. Perhaps a restored machine with the mechanical problems addressed is more enjoyable and merits a 7.0 rating, but I would not pay money to play one and find out.

Jim O'Brien · Aug 28, 2012

Gottlieb Totem (1979) may be one of the worst, to my surprise it received a 7.0 score on ipdb.org

http://www.ipdb.org/search.pl?any=Totem&sortby=name&search=Search+Database&searchtype=quick#2607

heberts811 · Aug 28, 2012

It looks like a typical Gottlieb SS although the artwork is kind of ugly.

Brian Clark · Aug 28, 2012

Hercules is bad. Aside from the odd physics with the pool ball, the ruleset is a one trick pony, as well.

Supermans · Aug 28, 2012

mmmagnetic said:
Orbitor 1 is pretty... weird. (I just love posting that video again and again!)

Though it certainly was brave enough to try something completely different, so it´s more of an odd machine than a truly bad one.

Just as with videogames, I assume there´s a big difference between "so bad that it´s good" (see: Kusoge), and just absolutely boring, dull machines,
which are probably not even worth talking about.

Orbitor 1 is pretty cool. I've played it quite a few times and I have to agree, it boils down to simply doing your best to keep the ball in play which is very hard. It would certainly make an interesting PBA table as it would be the only one with a curved table.

Fungi · Aug 28, 2012

I gotta tell ya, I'm not a fan of Jive Time. It was made in 1970 and it plays like one of them evil 1940 woodrails.

Jeff Strong · Aug 28, 2012

I never really cared for Spy Hunter.....which is a shame because it's based on such a great video game, and it even has the music....but the playfield is pretty blah....and the offset layout turns the left side into drain heaven.

Fungi · Aug 28, 2012

Jeff Strong said:
I never really cared for Spy Hunter.....which is a shame because it's based on such a great video game, and it even has the music....but the playfield is pretty blah....and the offset layout turns the left side into drain heaven.

Yes. Everytime I play one, I am so disappointed.

Fuseball · Aug 28, 2012

Jeff Strong said:
I never really cared for Spy Hunter.....which is a shame because it's based on such a great video game, and it even has the music....but the playfield is pretty blah....and the offset layout turns the left side into drain heaven.

I agree. Terrible playfield. Such a wasted opportunity.

I've not played or seen one for years but I recall Bugs Bunny's Birthday Ball as being kinda rubbish. I think I only played it as it was the only pinball in town at the time.

The ipdb ratings are hopeless. Everything from a poor game like Popeye to a classic like TZ scores over a 1.5 point spread. There's so little to differentiate the good and the bad on there.

bavelb · Aug 28, 2012

I would think it's hard to make a truly terrible table, or at least get it produced and distributed. Anything with some popbumpers, droptargets an orbit and a sinkhole or 2 could be interesting for a while even if it's very generic (ie: lots of moviethemed pins of the early 90's).

For a table to be an utter p.o.s. it would have to try something new and failing at it, be incredibly hard/cheap (which in itself will get you a fanbase of "masochists" that dig the challenge) and therefor a waste of a quarter, or be mechanically unsound. In category I we have the aforementioned Orbiter (that table makes me phsyically nautious watching it let alone playing and focussing on the ball), for category II...well I can't think of an example because most challenging tables are still interesting. And category III I don't know cause I'm not and never will be an owner or operator.

Jim O'Brien · Aug 28, 2012

heberts811 said:
It looks like a typical Gottlieb SS although the artwork is kind of ugly.

I've only played it on VP the sound is so bad even for the time. Usually I don't mind older Gottlieb tables, Genie is from the same time period and is a much better game.

Jim O'Brien · Aug 28, 2012

Jeff Strong said:
I never really cared for Spy Hunter.....which is a shame because it's based on such a great video game, and it even has the music....but the playfield is pretty blah....and the offset layout turns the left side into drain heaven.

That layout is horrible it probably could have been a lot better with a different set up.

Truly terrible tables

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