The Random Thought Thread

wolfson said:

with the comedy movies my other fave are Greek Mythology movies .300 was my fave

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I really like Immortals, and yes the original 300 was good. Those others in that video? Not so much. I'd sooner watch the Clash of the Titans remake. I really hope Sony eventually makes a God of War movie, as it is more violent than 300, more fantastical than Clash, steeped in Greek mythos without being beholden to the tales.

i have them all shutyertrap , Clash of the Titans , yep was good . i would love to see more violent movies too . when i watch a movie i like to escape into the movie . the kid in me loves the Harry Potter movies . my main movies i watch are comedies , i started with Cheech and Chong , the more stupid a comedy is the more i love it . Cheech and Chong , Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy are my faves

I'm still in the process of doing all those little jobs that should be done, but generally get ignored. Today and yesterday it was washing windows; may even do some more tomorrow, but as its only upstairs ones left its either get the big ladder out or only do those that are possible from opening windows. Thinking about it, some of them I've never washed. The not very exciting VAT return also beckons on my list of things I should do, which is also stage 1 of doing my income tax return (which can't be done yet).

If I run out of TV I still have the option to subscribe to Amazon Prime for Picard and the Grand Tour, neither of which I've seen any of.

wilbers i got Amazon prime $60 for the whole year , heaps of the old tv shows , heaps of sporting movies . especially following teams for a whole season like Manchester City , the All Blacks , Nfl , heaps of football world cup films plus movies and heaps of docos .

I’m over half way done with my Bond Binge! Good thing cuz these 3 films I just watched were rough. This also marks the point at which I only saw these on TV, if at all, versus seeing them in the theater first. Some new trends emerged, starting with Bond not smoking at all. Also the end credits now started displaying some of the crew as opposed to only the cast. Lastly, Cubby Broccoli is sole producer, Saltzman having sold his rights away.

MOONRAKER (1979)
At the end of The Spy Who Loved Me, we were told the next film would be For Your Eyes Only, but instead we got this. Well to catch the zeitgeist of Star Wars, it was decided to put Bond into space, so best I can tell this script was thrown together in a hurry. This movie is practically nonsensical. How so? Movie opens inside a small private aircraft with only Bond, stewardess, and pilot. Pilot shoots controls, puts on parachute as does stewardess, time for Bond to die. Fight ensues, pilot jumps out of plane, and then Bond gets tossed out by, wait for it, Jaws! Where the hell was he hiding? Some cool aerial stunt work happens oanly to end with Jaws’ parachute failing and him falling into a circus tent, collapsing the whole thing. Oh that Jaws!

Opening credit song is the worst to date, as I don’t think there’s a cool way to incorporate Moonraker into any lyrics. Location shifts to California, where space shuttles are being built by this Drax guy, who lives in a French castle he shipped stone by stone. He apparently also shipped in the French countryside and some society people for his pheasant hunts. One Dr Holly Goodhead(!) is head of the shuttle program. With no warning, for no reason as to be seen, Drax doesn’t even attempt to be a good person, ordering his martial arts henchman to ensure Bond has an accident. First from a centrifuge for astronauts going to 15 g’s, then by having someone take a sniper position in the trees during the pheasant hunt. Bond casually misses the bird and kills the sniper, Drax doesn’t bat an eye. Next thing you know we’re in Venus (why not?) visiting a glass factory that you know is going to get smashed up real good. Sure enough, out of the blue some people start trying to kill Bond, no idea who they even are, just so we can have a chase through the Venus canals. At one point Bond’s gondola becomes a hovercraft, and we get lots of people doing double takes, including a goddamn pidgeon. I mean really? And yes, he has a fight with martial arts hench, who destroys every piece of glass on display before dying.

Bond sneaks into a laboratory that cracked me up because it had fine art on display. It’s a giant lab, very full of tech, and Bond (after getting some ‘sleep’) brings the authorities to bust it. Except it is not just completely gone, but now looks like the grand Italian office of one Mr Drax. Those are some efficient movers! Meanwhile Drax, no longer having a cohort, calls dial-a-hench and hires Jaws. Now I’m gonna take a moment to acknowledge the brilliance of the cartoon The Venture Bros, as the bad guys all belong to The Guild of Calamitous Intent, and you indeed can order up henchmen in just such a fashion. I had no idea that was a parody of Bond, and I love it all the more because of it.

Action now moves to Rio, where Bond makes contact with a female and literally after 2 minutes of dialogue, they get right to getting naked. I mean wow. It also happens to be Carnival, so after smashing, the two go about spying yet another lab. In a sea of people, and despite not sharing travel itinerary with the bad guys, Jaws emerges from the crowd having spotted Bond and his lady friend who is hanging out in a dark alley while Bond investigates. Jaws proceeds to do the slowest walk up to the girl, who could have run away any time, picks her up, and does she scream? Nope. A group of people walk by, she doesn’t call for help or anything. It’s like a silent film. This winds up being a trend in the whole movie, where other than the main principal actors, no one speaks, screams, dies while making noise, nothing. People nod and point, that’s about it. Anyway, Bond and the girl escape, I forget how, it doesn’t really matter. Wherever Bond goes, bad guys suddenly appear and try to kill him, as if he has a homing beacon on him. Jaws bites completely through the cable of an aerial gondola Bond is in, not that it does anything other than look menacing. At the end of that escape, Jaws emerges from a pile of rubble and is greeted by some busty blond in pigtails. It’s love at first sight! I honestly was disappointed when she smiled that she didn’t have braces on, seeing as how much she liked Jaws’ smile. Bond meanwhile takes this moment immediately after escaping death to make out with the new lady he is with.

Shall we talk about the blatant product placement? I noticed this even when I was a kid. There are giant 7-Up signs present, one of which gets smashed through. Seiko watches also get heavy screen time. In subsequent films there’s no attempt at hiding who paid to get advertising in, as their product name or logo sticks out like a sore thumb.

I mentioned how hastily this script seemed to be thrown together, as really it just seems like they came up with a bunch of stunts they wanted to do and through some dialogue to bridge the gaps. We had skydiving, boat chase in Venus, cable car gondola fight in the air, and then there’s the Jungle Cruise of death down the rivers of the Amazon. This ends with Jaws going over a waterfall (is it Angel Falls?) presumably to his death. Like I believe that. Bond meanwhile, now on foot in the midst of the jungle, sees a hot chick running around, so of course he follows. Wouldn’t you know it, she leads him right to Drax’s lair. Where he then fights an anaconda! Drax once again captures Bond, and at least admits he wants Bond to have an interesting death. Here’s the thing, you’ve tried killing him how many times now? Don’t you think you should just put a bullet in him at this point? No? Okay. How Bond escapes is hilarious, as it’s through a vent shaft for where a launching space shuttle’s exhaust flame would travel. He travels about 20 feet and escapes the oncoming flames. Totally believable. Then he and Goodhead hop on a space shuttle as pilots, where they are at 10 on the countdown and the two haven’t even buckled in yet.

Turns out Drax has a space cult, trying to create the master race in outer space. The entire space portion of this film is ridonkulous, whether it be the acting while weightless, the ‘science’ of fake gravity, the laser battle, everything. Jaws and his lady friend become heroes, saving Bond but setting themselves up for certain doom on a destructing space station, except the part that breaks off with them inside apparently lands safely back on earth. Jeez-us.

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY (1981)
I had hopes this would be way better than Moonraker simply because it was supposed to be ready first. The Bond writer responsible for Blofeld was suing, and so the producers decided they needed to end that villain for good. The opening of the film has Bond visiting the grave of his wife, who Blofeld killed. A helicopter picks him up at the cemetery, but oh no, Blofeld takes control and flies it via remote control. For some reason Blofeld is in a wheelchair by the way. By the opening credit sequence, Blofeld is dead, but not before trying to bargain for his life by saying, and I have no idea why, “I’ll buy you a delicatessen, in steel”. I mean what? The opening credits are essentially a music video for Sheena Easton, and the score is done by Bill Conti, famous for Rocky. I’m just gonna get this out of the way right now, he’s the worst. Not only is the Bond theme barely used, when it is it’s been completely murdered by Conti with some disco beats. Instead the tune of For Yours Eyes Only is used over and over and over, in various music styles.

Most of this film takes place either in Greece or the Italian Alps. A lot of the action beats seem to be in an effort to one-up prior Bond movie stunts. Oh, you liked the alpine skiing before, including the bobsled fight? How ‘bout an even longer ski chase with motorcycles chasing, and then they continue down a bobsled run! It’s quite well done actually. There’s multiple underwater sequences in Greece that are also rather good, and of course there’s sharks. Sorta dumb sharks though, as they don’t attack a bleeding Bond but instead go for the rando thrashing bad guy. We also get some rock climbing action, including a very nice fall stunt where the safety line saves Bond. While the action sequences are rather decent, probably great for ‘81, the story is incredibly low stakes.

Russians want a device that went down with a British spy vessel. It’s discovered first by Bond girl Melina’s parents, who get killed, causing her to want revenge. Two Greek ‘business’ men become the prime suspects of who ordered the hit, Bond and Melina investigate. No fate of the world at stake, no giant evil lair, just the threat of the Russians getting something that will expose British naval positions. The main henchman this go around is a German olympic bi-athlete, so excellent skiier and marksman, except when it comes to actually shooting at Bond. At one point he literally throws a motorcycle at Bond. He gets the lamest death because he barely even got to put up a fight at the end. The true villain baddy gets taken out by the other Greek businessman before dying himself, so neither Bond nor Melina actually get to do the killing. Lame.

Perhaps the most shocking development in this movie is Bond’s sex life. First off, he meets Melina and doesn’t so much as look lasciviously at her or even attempt to hit on her. Then he meets BiBi, an olympic hopeful ice skater who is maybe 20. She makes it very obvious she wants some old man Bond (Moore was in his 50’s by this point), and he almost looks disgusted at the prospect. The only person he has sex with is a ‘countess’, who really is a high class hooker, and he does it purely to pump info out of. Like for once, he does it purely for Queen and Country. It’s not until the final moment of the movie that Bond beds Melina, a development that comes with no warning and seems like a tacked on afterthought.

A thought I had during the casino scene was enough with the Bacarat. Nobody in the audience has any clue what is going on, other than it looking like pretentious black jack. The guards in this movie broke rank from being the typical color coded minion henchmen, but they are still simply the worst guards in the world. No discipline, zero awareness, and they can’t shoot for ****. And once again we see many times where Bond gets randomly attacked with the intent to kill, but the minute he is cornered they settle for capturing him and setting up some elaborate way of killing him. I get it, do that a couple of times, but then call it a day and kill immediately as you are getting closer and closer to your main evil goal! There’s also a moment where Melina is doing her wreck diving in a very skimpy wetsuit while everyone else is in full skin coverings. Bond swims up on her, she indicates they should swim topside, and proceeds to take off her scuba tanks before doing so. I was like, that’s random and unnecessary. Well later, after an underwater battle that finds the pair needing air, guess what they find on the ocean floor? Her scuba tanks! Total eye roll.

OCTOPUSSY (1983)
I honestly don’t know if I ever saw this or not, as nothing rang a bell for me. Remember when I said Moonraker had the worst song? Song this time is called All Time High and it might very well be a new low. The rest of the movie is sorta average. Good stunts on a train, some precision flying of a mini jet plane in the opening, and Bond on the outside of a flying Beechcraft plane that clearly was what Tom Cruise outdid for his Mission Impossible stunt, but everything else is going through the motions. Story has Russians again, with one wanting to invade the rest of Europe because who really is going to oppose them, but most of it involves a double crossing smuggler, and Bond girl Octopussy, who also smuggles, operates a circus, and lives on a sapphic island in India with her own female warrior cult, some of who dress in red unitards and look like Mrs. Incredible. Oh, there is a guy with a saw blade yo-yo, but he requires a balcony to properly use it so it’s kinda lame in that respect.

We do get to see another double 0 in action, who in hindsight is terrible at his job. He was undercover as a clown in Octopussy’s circus, and tries making his escape in full clown gear, with a bright red balloon tied around his wrist. I mean he may as well have been yelling his location to the baddies. There’s an Indian henchman who’s name I never got, so I just called him Thuggie Cultist. What’s funny is later there is a dinner scene that Temple of Doom totally outdoes the next year. What’s more, the palace exterior almost looks the same.

Bond is back to his sexist ways, at one point in Q’s lab aiming a video camera at a woman’s chest and then zooming it in and out quickly, requisite lurid sound effect added. When he lands on hot woman island, he’s practically giddy at the prospects. Instead he settles for Octopussy by forcing himself on her. He fights back and says no, giving into him moments later. Boy do some things not age well! At the end of the movie, he’s apparently very injured, leg and arm immobilized, until Octopussy suggests they can’t smash, and boom, just like that he’s healed. What a sympathy whore!

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These movies shows all the signs of a franchise that is running out of gas. The ideas aren’t fresh, there are so many tropes a Bond film supposedly has to live by, all of which just weigh things down. The opening credits by Maurice Binder show no originality, as he’s been doing them this entire time. The humor is silly and childish, going for the easy laugh. Moore’s Bond seems bored, going through the motions of being a secret agent, where the booze, gambling, travel, and women no longer offer any thrill. Even the escapes from death come across his face as been there, done that. Unfortunately these next 3 official Bond films and the return Connery flick probably aren’t going to fix this. We’ll see.

getting to the end of Moonraker now, but i totally agree with your assessment, not a great storyline to it.

edit: okay, Moonraker not dee greatest, but i did like how Bond got Jaws on his side with that "only perfect specimens" comment. Jaws was uncharacteristically quick on the uptake on that one, but he had a little female companion that might have given him a bit of a mental tuneup with a bit of a physical tuneup. definitely the silliest Bond yet, but i look at them as an action comedy, same as most Arnold films.

edit: Eyes Only, yeah was not much to it other than the skiing. the one guy tried to be funny with his stichio nuts, the one henchman had no zazz whatsoever, made me miss Jaws. all in all the lamest of the Bond movies yet.

new home schooling

We have finished with the Bronson era and overall I feel his version of Bond is the best of what we as viewers expect of a James Bond. I have already seen all the Craig films during their theatrical release and remember that most seem to run on too long, but it will be interesting to revisit them over the next couple days with all the previous Bonds fresh in mind.

trash80 said:

We have finished with the Bronson era and overall I feel his version of Bond is the best of what we as viewers expect of a James Bond. I have already seen all the Craig films during their theatrical release and remember that most seem to run on too long, but it will be interesting to revisit them over the next couple days with all the previous Bonds fresh in mind.

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I don’t have any of the Craig Bonds available to me so I’ll be stopping with Brosnan. They are indeed longer films. Casino Royale is I think the best Bond movie, period. Quantum of Solace is ruined by terrible photography and editing as a response to the Bourne films. Skyfall starts great, has a good story, but as the movie goes the action gets smaller until we are left with a rather pedestrian climax. Spectre is serviceable, just not memorable. Should these pop up for me to stream or DVR for free, I’ll happily rewatch them though as I don’t find any of them silly or straight up terrible in scripting.

If you are getting sick of seeing my posts about my Bond binge, think how I’m feeling actually watching them! I am officially done with all the various Bond actors other than Brosnan. Remember, Daniel Craig’s Bond films are not part of this binge since they were unavailable to me. More things I’ve noticed as I’ve gone along... the same director, John Glen, did 5 Bond films in a row. There is a dolly grip who’s name I’ve noticed on all these films too, and considering how these things were coming out every other year, I gotta believe many more crew just rolled over film to film. There is a certain way interiors are lit, regardless of the DP, that is a dead giveaway when it was shot on a soundstage. There’s also something to the set design that gives it away as rooms are way too big. Bullets always are accompanied by a ricochet sound effect, even if there’s no metal surface for them to make that sound from. Now, on with the show…


NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN (1983)
This isn’t an official Bond film, as it was not made by Eon productions or MGM, but it gets away with using 007 and character names. Remember how I mentioned there was a legal thing regarding the writer of Thunderball? Well, here’s the result, a remake of Thunderball starring Connery. It doesn’t do the Bond opening at all or the stylized credits, and you won’t hear the Bond theme anywhere in the movie. The look of the movie is a bit different too as most of it feels like it was shot using actual locations whether they be interiors or exteriors. There was only one brief moment of projection or green screen, so that was refreshing too. Irvin Kershner had directing duties, and if that sounds familiar it’s because he directed Empire Strikes Back. By and large the major changes that are made to the story ground the film more in reality. So no transforming ships or ginormous lairs. The special effects work is also rather good, especially for ‘83 and when directly compared to Octopussy which came out the same year.

Basic story is the same as Thunderball, which is a Blofeld disciple steals two nukes and plans on threatening major targets with them all for the purpose of SPECTRE seizing power. Largo lives on his giant yacht with girlfriend Domino, who jokingly asks what he’d do if she left him, and he responds he’d cut her head off. Haha, just kidding! Sorta. Dude is deliciously mental. His henchwoman is Fatima Blush, she’s #12 in SPECTRE, and she has a complex about being the best. Having slept with Bond and attempted to kill him here and there, she finally has him dead to rights, but first demands Bond write a note stating she was the best lover he ever had. Was she gonna get it framed and hung over her bed? So odd.

By and large (and coming after 3 terrible movies) this was a good flick. M has shuttered the double 0 program, sends Bond to a health farm to purge all the toxins and bad habits out of him. Funny. Eventually M is forced to open things back up and put Bond to mission. Q is most excited by this, as his department budget has been woefully slashed since there were no secret agents to equip with cool gadgets. He tells Bond “I hope this means lots of gratuitous sex and violence”, and indeed it does! In the Bahamas Bond meets up with another Brit, and it took me a moment to realize it was Mr Bean, er well Rowan Atkinson. Cracked me up. Sign of the times, Bond goes into a casino charity event hosted by Largo. He follows Domino who skips right past the gambling and into the attached video arcade, where a sea of Centipede cabinets and a few Dig Dugs await. Thanks Atari! Largo has a video game the size of a pool table he wants to play Bond on, and there’s nothing quite as amusing as seeing Connery pretend he has a clue what to do with a joystick. We get the requisite shark scene, only now it’s a homing shark that cues onto the beacon Fatima attaches to Bond. There’s some quality stunt work with Bond on a motorcycle tricked out by Q, a moment where Bond jumps a horse from way up high into the water, and that first moment of the jump looks like Monty Python’s French taunter castle launching a very stiff horse. A second later though, when they hit the water, a real horse was used so all is forgiven. The underwater stuff looks great, with action moving to an underwater cavern that actually makes sense for why it exists. In Thunderball the ensuing battle between the Navy and Largo’s men took place underwater and there were lots of casualties on all sides. Here it takes place in the cavern, and the Navy actually looks like they are trained soldiers. Gone is the end boat at high speed fight, which was my least favorite part of Thunderball anyway.

Was there really a point in making this remake? No. More likely they did it because they could. Most of the silliness was removed, way fewer one liners, a little steamier with the sex. Not being able to use the Bond theme music hurts it the most, but the villains are better here.

A VIEW TO A KILL (1985)
The last of the Roger Moore era, and it gets a lot of hate from the people that rank Bond films. It is a bit clunky, Tanya Roberts is a terrible actress, and the point of villain Zorin’s plot to be the main supplier of micro chips worldwide (thrilling!) leaves a lot to be desired, it does feature some of the best stunts to date. I mean you can clearly see when it’s the stunt double instead of Roger, which is most of the time, but the stunts are still pretty good. It also has the best song of any Bond film by Duran Duran. It’s fast, loud, perfectly incorporates the Bond sound into a pop song, just perfection.

Movie starts with yet another ski sequence, but wait, Bond has to improvise at one point by using a part off a snowmobile to essentially snowboard. Why the Beach Boys’ California Girls suddenly starts playing is beyond me though. Also, we have now moved away from rear screen projection into the green screen era. Better, but still obvious. Bond gets ferried away in a sub disguised as a tiny iceberg, but at least it as a plush couch for having sex on. We get introduced to Zorin and his steroid enhanced horse racing side business. He has a henchwoman named Mayday who wastes no time making an impression by killing Bond’s dinner guest with a fish hook, fleeing up the Eiffel Tower, and then base jumping off of it. Really a nice but too short sequence that features Bond driving half a car. Then Bond goes undercover once more by only changing his name, not anything else. When he does get found out, Zorin has him sunk into a lake in a car. They wait all of 2 minutes before declaring he must be dead and everyone bails. Bond was sucking air from the car tires though, creating a mass of bubbles that would have been obvious on the water surface, but oh well.

Location switches to the Bay area where Zoran proves how much of a villain he really is by showing off his extra large model miniatures map that rises up from a conference table. That’s like villainy 101. Better yet? It’s in a blimp. When this movie was made, we are to believe that 80% of all silicone chips are made within Silicone Valley. This cracked me up because that would be China now. And the one ‘investor’ who didn’t like the plan? Asian guy. Bond busts into Stacy the geologists house using a lock pick credit card that Sharper Image apparently provided. Good ol’ product placement! A bunch of Zoran goons attack the house, and after Bond chases them away, he and Stacy act like nothing at all unusual just happened, don’t bother calling the cops, but he does make her a quiche. What a man. They later go sneak into city hall for some files, Zoran catches them in the act, and of course why shoot Bond on the spot when you can create some overly wrought plan that Bond can escape from? This leads to the building being set on fire, the obvious lack of a government building having any fire sprinklers at all, and Bond and Stacy running up stairs instead of down to escape the flames. They do this via a firetruck ladder, with not a fireman in sight that is using it. Bond is about to be arrested, so he flees and steals the first vehicle he can find...a firetruck. The type that requires a second driver at the back. Genius getaway vehicle! It’s a really nice stunt sequence, but it’s also completely mental. Not only do they escape the cops, they drive it all through the night and to Zoran’s bad guy mineshaft the next morning.

The underground mine is the big set piece that shows off how big Pinewood Studios is. I mean it’s probably written into every Bond film as part of the stage’s rental agreement. Also, clearly someone was jealous of Temple of Doom, right down to the whole thing being flooded. Zoran goes up, up, and away in his beautiful balloon, er blimp. In case you don’t know, Christopher Walken plays Zoran. While in the blimp he utters these magical words, “we need more, more power” but all I heard was “cowbell”. The blimp makes its getaway with Bond hanging off one of the mooring lines, all so we can have a fight at the top of the Golden Gate Bridge. Again, really good stunts, poor story decisions. One of the baddies goes to the safe that’s on the blimp, which among other things has sticks of dynamite in it. Why? Because we need the blimp to explode of course! I know I’d carry sticks of dynamite wherever, especially a blimp, if I were uber rich.

So ends the Roger Moore era. Good thing, because he was too old to do basic stunts and too old to not look completely creepy sexing up the 20 somethings. This was also the last film for original Moneypenny. We don’t even get the title for the next Bond film at the end, only the words “James Bond Will Return”.

THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS (1987)
Welcome our new James Bond, Timothy Dalton. His Bond is way more serious, much more prone to anger, recognizes the life threatening dangers around him, and seems downright embarrassed to utter the famous one liners. Honestly I’m not bummed by this approach, as it is very similar to how Daniel Craig eventually does it but with a key difference, Dalton’s Bond seems to take no pleasure in anything. Women? He only hooks up with one (monogamy was very on trend thanks to AIDS) and it’s almost begrudgingly. Drink? Yeah, shake the martini, give him Bolinger Champagne, but he’s not going to make a point of stating the year and acting all uppity about his palette. At one point the action switches to a carnival style amusement park and you’ve never seen someone looking more out of place and having less fun than Bond in a tuxedo going on a rollercoaster. I don’t think he even particularly likes the killing aspect of his job, which is precisely the thrill of being a double 0 and having a license to kill.

Speaking of double 0’s, the movie starts with 3 of them being on a training exercise to infiltrate a base undetected. The first two get taken out so quickly and easily, it’s a wonder the double 0’s are so renowned. This isn’t really new, as in the previous movies when we’ve seen that another double 0 is killed, it’s usually from being stupid and showing no tactical training. Shoot, the fact Bond is still alive has more to do with dumb luck than actual skill. Bond gets put on assignment to help a Russian defector and take out any snipers. The sniper rifle he uses is the most absurdly large rifle ever, and he’s literally stationed across the street from his target. Back in London, we see there’s a new Moneypenny, Bond once again takes up smoking, and Q gives him another Aston Martin but not before showing him the Ghetto Blaster, a rocket launcher that looks like a boom box “for the Americans”.

The villain plot has something to do with becoming the leading arms dealer of the time, with a diamond and opium scheme mixed in for good measure. It’s kinda confusing to be honest, as the double and triple crossings and playing of one country against another gets really muddled. They were trying to be clever here, which is new for a Bond film, so I’ll at least give them that. Unfortunately the villains are completely forgettable, even the main henchman.

While there’s barely a shred of sex in the movie, it does become the first Bond movie with nudity...bare butts of military guys in a tent shower that gets pulled away. There’s also a side boob with nipple shot that slipped in, which seems astonishing it took so long after all these years. Where the movie makes its mark is in the action scenes. We get to see the Aston Martin do a snow chase (screw skiing!) that has it using all of its tricks to great effect. A rooftop chase in Tangiers goes to show how much better Bourne could do that sort of thing (unfortunately with shaky cam and chaos editing). There’s also a good cargo plane fight that has Bond and henchman dangling out the back, clinging to cargo netting. The moment leading up to that is a bit odd though. See, they are in Afghanistan which has Russians on one side, and rebels on the other. If I’m not mistaken, today we’d know them as the Taliban. So yeah, Bond assists in what ultimately would lead to the rise of Bin Laden. Way to go dude. Don’t feel too bad though, Rambo did the same thing in Rambo 3. Back to the cargo plane, it’s running out of fuel and we see a shot of some VERY mountainous terrain and Bond declares there’s no place to put it down. He tells his boo to hop in the Jeep in the cargo hold, opens up the back ramp, and I’m thinking parachute drop, right? Partly. He indeed hooks a parachute up the to Jeep, but then we see a shot of the plane about 10 feet off some very flat ground as the parachute opens and the Jeep lands safely on the ground. Next shot shows the plane crashing into a mountain range. Back to the Jeep, there’s a goddamn paved road right there! What’s this no place to set her down bull****?

On the plus side, this movie isn’t silly, doesn’t make you roll your eyes at some huge leaps of logic like others have, and continues with having good stunts. The negative is it just has no style, no flash. It suffers the same way Lazenby’s go of it did by being solidly put together but hitting no real highs.

LICENSE TO KILL (1989)
Or as I used to call it, Miami Bond Vice. This movie forgets what it is to be a Bond movie. It starts with him being the best man to CIA agent Felix, who of course is played by someone new, as is the norm. Bond being who he is, I can’t believe he’d have that kind of personal connection to anyone, as he can’t afford to have those type of connections in his life. Going to the wedding, Coast Guard snatches up Bond and Groom to nab a drug cartel guy named Sanchez who popped his head up for the first time in forever here in the Florida Keys. This leads to a nice bit of helicopter to plane stuntwork. Later that same day there’s a segment on one of the Keys bridges, and my love for True Lies just grows more in comparison. Well Sanchez escapes and then proceeds to have Felix fed to a shark (naturally) and his bride killed, on their wedding night. This sends Bond into a fit of vengeance rage, the point of the rest of the movie. By the way, Felix somehow survives the massive blood loss that would come from a Shark biting your leg off and then being placed in a body bag for at least 8 hours.

Bond gets a bit violent in investigating where Felix was used as chum, much to the displeasure of M who comes all the way to Miami to tell Bond he is stripping him of his license to kill and sending him back to London under guard. Bond immediately makes a run for it, where everyone starts shooting at him. What? Why would Brits fire on their own man? He escapes, finds the yacht of the drug smuggler that failed to finish Felix off, and proceeds to destroy his drug shipment and steal all his money. Flush with cash, Bond cruises up to a harbor bar in a new cigarette boat looking for more info. His contact is his soon to be main squeeze, but she proves quickly she isn’t the typical “save me James” kind of Bond girl. Bad guys show up and one of the henchmen is a very young Benicio del Toro, and the dude had it even back then. A bar fight starts, but the go-go dancer in the middle never stops dancing, that’s how dedicated she is!

Turns out Bond girl is a former army pilot, so he pays her to fly him to somewhere in South America called Isthmus. The price negotiations for doing that apparently makes both of them horny as they immediately get to smashing once the price is settled on. In Isthmus Sanchez owns everything, including the president, a casino, and a televangelist played by Wayne freakin’ Newton . Bond goes to the casino and finally plays a game the audience can understand, Black Jack. As is the new norm for Dalton Bond, he takes no pleasure in winning huge sums of money. The same plot as was in Live and Let Die is revealed, with Sanchez wanting to control the drug market across the world, but mainly in Asia. Or as they are referred to here, “the Orientals”. At one point Bond is attacked by ninjas, who are revealed to be part of a deep cover assignment by Hong Kong agents, and then are promptly killed. Bond manages to ingratiate himself with Sanchez, partly by telling the truth that he is a former British agent and assasin, and the dead ninja proves he must not be on the good guy’s team. Way to do a background check there, drug kingpin.

The drug lab is at the televangelist compound, where we find that the cocaine is mixed with gasoline and shipped that way, thus undetectable. Also makes things rather ready to go boom. Bond gets identified by good ol’ Benecio, so to make his escape Bond essentially tosses the lab version of a molotov cocktail. The amazing part is the lab has no fire suppression system, and despite the fire only being small to start, everyone in the whole complex evacuates as if all is a lost cause. Four tankers of gas flee the scene, and the entire complex goes up in massive explosions as if a self destruct button had been pushed. The ensuing tanker chase merely reminds me of Fast and Furious 4, which does it so much better in half the time. Except they didn’t bother have a truck cab pop a wheelie, did they? Booyah!

The movie, and Dalton’s career as Bond, end with a bit of weirdness being one Bond girl getting jealous of another, and Bond having to go chase after her to say he wants to be with her. Q happens to be on scene to witness this and shakes his head, clearly knowing Bond’s history with women and how long any of those relations last. While I like the more serious tone of these last two movies, I’m glad they moved on from Dalton. He just lacked charisma as Bond, though he also might have been victim to a film franchise that had been cranking out movies every other year since the 60’s. 007 needed a hard reset, with new blood and ideas behind the camera, as well as in front. The six year gap felt like an eternity, for me though it’s just one night as I’m on to my final push through this 21 film binge.

as usual great essay on the Bond films trap. Walken made good villain, acting nutty a good bit of the time.

Dalton's Bond was quite stiff, the US backing of the muhadjadeen was kinda a flub, as they went on to be worse then the people they were fighting, IMO. still, they added some flavor to this rather dull movie. i did like the new Aston Martin, the old one was getting old and hokey looking. i think they switched Moore to driving a Lotus mostly. i did like the stunts in Living.

edit: okay, liked Never Say Never Again, was good to see Connery one more time. he looked in shape enough to kick Moore's ass. liked the bike stunts, and the eye candy of Kim Basinger really helped the movie bigtime. the chick on the boat was nice, too. no cool henchman, the villain was rather weak. lacking in certain areas, but not bad. even tho i like Spy Who best, Connery really was the essential Bond.

Licence To Kill, not bad, the one thing was a semi's brake lines get cut it locks up all the brakes it won't just keep going. cocaine mixed with gasoline, yeah, that would work. a halon system woulda been cool in the lab, tho halon does tend to kill people along with the fire, so not used much anymore i think. Q is getting more screen time, cool. Benicio came to a bad end, had a good henchman part, tho he did not get as much screen time as some past henchmen. you're right tho, Dalton lacked a certain zazz in his Bond. Plus he looked like he aged 10 years, not 2 in between his 2 Bond films, for some reason.

One thing i noticed, they stopped with the cool female lead names, like Pussy Galore and Holly Goodhead, dammit!

You know there is an extreme lack of sport when the schedule is reduced to "classic" snooker. There has already been classic football and classic rugby. Difference is I usually watch a bit of the snooker, whereas I never watch rugby, and football just about only if its England in the world cup.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/snooker/52231678

Read about the darts home tour the other day https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2020_PDC_Home_Tour everyone plays at home and streams it.

ZREXMike2 said:

One thing i noticed, they stopped with the cool female lead names, like Pussy Galore and Holly Goodhead, dammit!

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Xenia Onatopp is in Goldeneye. Sunni Pei is maybe only a double-entendre if Donald Trump is involved.

Need a break from Bond and have Amazon Prime? The new season (Season 6) of Bosch dropped yesterday (in the US, at least). Of course the previous 5 seasons are also available if you feel the need to catch up (might help a bit). Some serious hard-boiled/procedural LA detective action (though definitely not subscribing to the Criminal Minds theories of FBI/local law-enforcement co-operation - the Fed task force here seriously needed a JJ to smooth over relations!).

wilbers said:

Xenia Onatopp is in Goldeneye. Sunni Pei is maybe only a double-entendre if Donald Trump is involved.

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And there is a Strawberry Fields in Quantum of Solace. Speaking of, I finished the first two Craig films and they are better than I remember.

I’ve started watching HBO’s Watchmen, I was waiting for all this seasons Better Call Saul to finish so I could binge that, and once done with Bond I might switch over to the Mission Impossible films.

big edit: GoldenEye opening scene not as cool as i remember it, he fought the pilot while plane still on the ground.

love Better Call Saul, it's not quite Breaking Bad, but it's good.

Better Call Saul rules.

XRISTOS ANESTI

Santorini good Friday